Co-dependence can be described as the need for a person to be a certain way in order for you to be OK. If you are more concerned with others’ needs than your own, is this selflessness or is it co-dependence? If you find yourself regularly ‘rescuing’ others, not only is this an indicator for co-dependence but it also means you are denying them the gift of growth.
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I was listening to the radio last week when I heard the presenter (Chris Evans) say “What’s the point in having a mind if you can’t change it?” Of course, my ears pricked up at that and it got me thinking: if you have a point of view, is it a good thing or a bad thing to stick to it?
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It’s fair to say that there aren’t many people who like to feel discomfort. Given the choice, we will opt for feelings of ease and comfort every time. And why not? However, never allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable can be a sign that you are becoming “comfort-zone restricted”. Comfort is the path of least resistance but it is also the path of least growth.
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How many times are you told to listen to your gut? It is supposed to be the seat of your instinct: that biological tendency to react in a particular way. It’s subliminal, meaning that it doesn’t come from conscious thought, but a sense of ‘knowing’.
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We often have two choices: to fall to the level of our excuses, or to rise to the level of our potential. I heard that phrase somewhere and it really struck a chord. But, boy can that sofa be tempting. And the ironing seem alluring. And haven’t you done enough to deserve catching up on your favourite box-set?
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I’ve been helping people for over 20 years now and something has become really clear: people can come up with all kinds of explanations to not doing those things which will help them transform their lives. These come principally in two guises. A reason or an excuse. But, what’s the difference? And does it matter?
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Most of us have habits we want to break, traits we want to refine or skills we want to develop. But it can be hard. Why? Because we are working against ingrained programming that have developed over our lifetime. Some of them are inherited traits (nature) and others have formed through the passage of time (nurture). However, just because this is part of your programming, doesn’t mean you are stuck with them for life. The principles of neuroplasticity prove that you can, literally, change your mind.
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Whatever you believe to be true about life, one thing is certain – time passes whether you like it or not. This, in turn, means that one of three things have happened:
1. You have moved closer to your goals
2. You have stayed where you are
3. You have slipped backwards
It was Einstein who said that you can’t fix a problem with the same thinking that caused it. This is one of the reasons why people stay stuck. Not for the want of trying. But it can feel like a constant internal battle which drains your energy and your confidence. Not only that but it can take you in the opposite direction to where you want to be.
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A few days into 2017 and already many New Year’s Resolutions will be faltering, despite best intentions. This isn’t because people are weak but because the psyche is complicated. Knowing how to navigate the obstacles to achieve what you want for yourself is important if you are serious about making change happen. Most resolutions are about breaking bad habits.
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