The human mind is fascinating. In the many years I have been doing this work, what has become clear is the way we sabotage ourselves in life is a common problem with many faces: The woman who wants to lose weight but continues eating copious amounts of chocolate; The man who wants a closer relationship with his wife but continues to lie to her; The woman who wants to advance her career but allows herself to be treated like a doormat.
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In the last article, I explained that feelings are your signposts to what is happening in your life. We explored the seven main negative emotions which, when ignored can cause them to become stronger, as though they are shouting to be heard. When you listen to what your feelings are telling you and respond appropriately, you are on your way to feeling a lot better about yourself, gaining perspective on a situation and having a healthier relationship with yourself and others.
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Feelings are often labelled good or bad as if they are something to be sought (ie happiness) or avoided (ie sadness). But feelings are much more than this and have an essential function in our emotional and psychological wellbeing. If your feelings could talk, what would they say? Feelings are the physical representation of emotion. They communicate your wants and needs. They tell you when you are happy and when something isn’t right.
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Do you want something in your life to be different? Perhaps to overcome a habit, increase self-esteem, improve a situation, develop a skill or manage stress more effectively? All change has 5 phases, according to the work of Prochaska and Di Clemente. It’s worth knowing these to see a) where you are and b) where you want to be. This article will help you to understand that.
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As I write this, Mental Health Awareness week is coming up. But I find the term Mental Health unhelpful and creates a stigma which belies the real-world problems which many of us face at some time or another: stress, anxiety, depression and grief. The antonym of Mental Health is Emotional Resilience.
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Willpower myths are what stand in the way of long-term change for many people. One thing I dread when meeting a client for the first time is if they ask for more willpower. It’s not that I don’t think having willpower is valuable – it is. It helps you overcome impulse and achieve goals. But the reason I am not a fan of it being the thing is that it’s an awful lot of work, isn’t it?
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