Why we self-sabotage. The human mind is fascinating. In the many years I have been doing this work, what has become clear is the way we sabotage ourselves in life is a common problem with many faces: The woman who wants to lose weight but continues eating copious amounts of chocolate; The man who wants a closer relationship with his wife but continues to lie to her; The woman who wants to advance her career but allows herself to be treated like a doormat. The examples are endless.
Is your foot on the brakes or the accelerator?
It’s as though we have our foot on the brake and the accelerator at the same time. Moving forwards and then backwards but never really getting anywhere and feeling incredibly frustrated by it all.
When you understand that the unconscious mind is always seeking to fulfil your needs it can become even more confusing until you look a little deeper.
The importance of intent
We all have aspects of our personalities which have a positive intent (I call these ‘parts’). For example, I have an extrovert part who loves being with people and I have an introvert part who values time alone. It is rare they are in conflict because when I want company, I go out and when I don’t I stay in. But for many people they have this internal conflict – a constant battle between parts of their personality. So, let’s take the examples above. I will offer just one possible positive intent for each. People are complicated – there could be any number but this gives you an idea of what might be going on:
| DESIRE | POSSIBLE POSITIVE INTENT |
| Lose weight | Feel confident |
| Eat chocolate | Comfort |
| Closer relationship with spouse | Connection |
| Lying | Avoid conflict |
| Career progression | Sense of achievement |
| Being treated like a doormat | Please people |
Being a hypnotherapist is a little like being a marriage guidance counsellor when working with ‘parts’. My job is to find the positive intent of each part and, using the power of your unconscious mind, find a way that these needs can be met so that all parts are working together harmoniously rather than against each other.
When all ‘parts’ are aligned there is more flow, you have more confidence and feel happier.
So, I wonder, how do you self-sabotage? Would love to hear about it. Get in touch here.
