or .Am I co-dependent   Do you ever ask yourself “Am I co-dependent?”  Broadly speaking, co-dependency is a psychological state characterised by:

  • the need to protect or control other people
  • living life based on the needs of others
  • resulting in not taking care of themselves 

Signs of co-dependency

Do you recognise any of the following common signs of co-dependence in you?  You don’t have to identify with all of them but the more you do identify with the more co-dependent you are likely to be.

  1. The need to protect and take care of others
  2. Neglecting your own needs
  3. Negativity
  4. Worry
  5. Fear of anger
  6. Fear of what others think
  7. Poor relationship choices
  8. Need for recognition and approval
  9. Excessive work that has to do with others
  10. A tendency to blame others rather than take personal responsibility
  11. Feelings of guilt that you are not doing enough for others
  12. Impulsivity
  13. Enjoy the dramas of life
  14. An overdeveloped sense of responsibility
  15. A strong sense of right and wrong

Causes of co-dependency

  • Co-dependents often come from dysfunctional families.  One or more parents may be an alcoholic or drug addict.  This results in taking responsibility for others who were not taking responsibility for themselves.

  • Co-dependent people are unconsciously drawn to those in need and will often go to extreme lengths to help them, at the cost of their own wellbeing.  Perhaps they are:

    • Addicts

    • Having money problems

    • Crave love

    • Need support

How to overcome co-dependency

Recognising the pattern of co-dependence is the first step to recovery.

Once you have done that, it is essential that you start to prioritise your own needs.  This will include absolving yourself of the “people-pleasing” or “rescuing” compulsion.  This can be challenging because the roots of these patterns can run very deep.

It is important to overcome negative thinking patterns and experience yourself as a separate being, worthy of self-care and without the need for the approval of others. This is not selfishness or arrogance.  It’s self-esteem.

The difference between support and dependency

It is important to understand the difference between support and dependency and learn to say “no”. Co-dependency robs the other person of the satisfaction of personal growth; it keeps them stuck and is incredibly draining.

Freeing yourself of this drive can be challenging. Using hypnotherapy, the unconscious drivers can be addressed more easily to instil healthier, positive patterns.  Your self-esteem will improve.  Your disease to please and rescue will lessen.  All this will lay the founation for healthier relationships.

If you want help, or to find out more, do contact me on 0345 130 0854.  Or get in touch here.  I look forward to hearing from you!