The human mind is fascinating. In the many years I have been doing this work, what has become clear is the way we sabotage ourselves in life is a common problem with many faces: The woman who wants to lose weight but continues eating copious amounts of chocolate; The man who wants a closer relationship with his wife but continues to lie to her; The woman who wants to advance her career but allows herself to be treated like a doormat. The examples are endless.
It’s as though we have our foot on the break and the accelerator at the same time. Moving forwards and then backwards but never really getting anywhere and feeling incredibly frustrated by it all.
When you understand that the unconscious mind is always seeking to fulfil your needs it can become even more confusing until you look a little deeper. Continue reading
As a coach and therapist, I am often asked for the difference, if any between the two disciplines. It can be hard to know whether you need a therapist or a coach or both. So this article will help you to understand the differences so you can make an informed choice. This isn’t an exhaustive list and there is a fair amount of cross-over. In fact, with my clients, I often blend the two.
The Similarities Between Therapy and Coaching
Let’s start with the similarities. Both offer self-insight. This is important because insight is the first step to change. They can both help you manage yourself more effectively and help you live your full potential: therapy by removing blocks, coaching by creating a roadmap.
What is Therapy?
In the last article, I explained that feelings are your signposts to what is happening in your life. We explored the seven main negative emotions which, when ignored can cause them to become stronger, as though they are shouting to be heard. When you listen to what your feelings are telling you and respond appropriately, you are on your way to feeling a lot better about yourself, gaining perspective on a situation and having a healthier relationship with yourself and others. Yet, we tend to suppress, repress and distract, often with what I call “too-muching” behaviours like eating more, drinking more, smoking more, spending more time on social media or buying something else you don’t need.
However, these just cause the feelings to become more powerful as they fight for acknowledgement. Failing to do so can lead to health problems, depression, relationship problems and more. So, once you have acknowledged the feeling, what should you do about it? This article offers some constructive ways of dealing with negative feelings.
There are three main ways you can help yourself: Continue reading
Feelings are often labelled good or bad as if they are something to be sought (ie happiness) or avoided (ie sadness). But feelings are much more than this and have an essential function in our emotional and psychological wellbeing.
If your feelings could talk, what would they say? Feelings are the physical representation of emotion. They communicate your wants and needs. They tell you when you are happy and when something isn’t right.
Yet, all too often, we ignore the negative ones. Sometimes this is because of the way we were brought up (it isn’t nice to be angry; big boys don’t cry, etc) and sometimes it’s because Continue reading
CHANGE – ARE YOU READY?
Do you want something in your life to be different? Perhaps to overcome a habit, increase self-esteem, improve a situation, develop a skill or manage stress more effectively? All change has 5 phases, according to the work of Prochaska and Di Clemente. It’s worth knowing these to see a) where you are and b) where you want to be. This article will help you to understand that. Continue reading
As I write this, Mental Health Awareness week is coming up. But I find the term Mental Health unhelpful and creates a stigma which belies the real-world problems which many of us face at some time or another: stress, anxiety, depression and grief. The antonym of Mental Health is Emotional Resilience. So here are some tips to help you develop this important resource so that when things get tough, you are able to bounce-back more easily: Continue reading
Another year, another set of New Years’ Resolutions! Each year most of us make resolutions which we fail to keep. Why is this? Often we have what is called “secondary gains” to a problem. This means that, even though there is a part of us that wants something, there can be another part of us that is actually benefiting from the problem in some way. Secondary gains can be unconscious – something we are not aware of – and very powerful in sabotaging our best intentions. The other block to achieving our resolutions is that it may necessitate us giving up something to achieve it.
No wonder most people don’t achieve their resolutions! But what is the answer?
There are a number of steps which you can take which help you to achieve what it is that you want:
Why More Willpower is Not the Answer
Willpower myths are what stand in the way of long-term change for many people. One thing I dread when meeting a client for the first time is if they ask for more willpower. It’s not that I don’t think having willpower is valuable – it is. It helps you overcome impulse and achieve goals. But the reason I am not a fan of it being the thing is that it’s an awful lot of work, isn’t it?
Choosing a hypnotherapist is both difficult and easy. This article helps you understand how to choose a hypnotherapist so you make the right decision for you.
Let’s do the easy bit first. If you Google ‘hypnotherapist’ you will see hundreds of them. Even if you narrow it down to your area, you will see many options. So finding one is not the hard bit.
Co-dependency is a psychological state characterised by the need to protect or control other people and is often accompanied by self-neglect. People who suffer from co-dependency live a life that is based on others and their needs without taking care of themselves.