Whatever you believe to be true about life, one thing is certain – time passes whether you like it or not. This, in turn, means that one of three things have happened:
1. You have moved closer to your goals
2. You have stayed where you are
3. You have slipped backwards
Today is tomorrow’s yesterday and whatever decisions you make today will affect your tomorrows.
It was Einstein who said that you can’t fix a problem with the same thinking that caused it. This is one of the reasons why people stay stuck. Not for the want of trying. But it can feel like a constant internal battle which drains your energy and your confidence. Not only that but it can take you in the opposite direction to where you want to be. Maybe a millimetre at a time so you hardly notice at first, but before long you are way off track, and finding your way back can seem like wading up a treacle-draped mountain in ill-fitting slippers and with your eyes closed.
Many people are guided by poor role models, past experiences, habits or fear. And efforts can be limited by not having the right experiences or the right insights to develop the results you are looking for. But what to do about it? Continue reading
A few days into 2017 and already many New Year’s Resolutions will be faltering, despite best intentions. This isn’t because people are weak but because the psyche is complicated. Knowing how to navigate the obstacles to achieve what you want for yourself is important if you are serious about making change happen. Most resolutions are about breaking bad habits. This is trickier than learning a new skill because first of all you are unlearning another skill – one which has become a default pattern and which you can do without thinking. Change, therefore requires thought and attention.
This article shares with you five top reasons that change is difficult and what you can do about them.
With just a few weeks to go, are you looking forward to Christmas or dreading it? Does the prospect of spending enforced time with relatives worry you? Are you anxious about getting into debt at Christmas or making a fool of yourself at the office Christmas party?
Christmas is the most stressful time of the year so here are my tips to survive it:
One of the questions I ask my clients is how they would rate their energy. I am amazed at the number of people who aren’t happy with their levels of energy. Sometimes it is because they feel low emotionally and their energy mirrors their mood. Or they are trying to keep a lid on any negative emotions which is leaving them exhausted. Sometimes it’s because they are overworked or overwhelmed. Sometimes it is down to lifestyle. And other times it is due to diet. It is a highly complex area. So, take this simple quiz. Do you:
1. Wake up tired?
2. Perk up once you have your first coffee (or three)?
3. Have a lot of energy but when you stop, you feel like you’re in a coma? Continue reading
The human mind is fascinating. In the many years I have been doing this work, what has become clear is the way we sabotage ourselves in life is a common problem with many faces: The woman who wants to lose weight but continues eating copious amounts of chocolate; The man who wants a closer relationship with his wife but continues to lie to her; The woman who wants to advance her career but allows herself to be treated like a doormat. The examples are endless.
It’s as though we have our foot on the break and the accelerator at the same time. Moving forwards and then backwards but never really getting anywhere and feeling incredibly frustrated by it all.
When you understand that the unconscious mind is always seeking to fulfil your needs it can become even more confusing until you look a little deeper. Continue reading
As a coach and therapist, I am often asked for the difference, if any between the two disciplines. It can be hard to know whether you need a therapist or a coach or both. So this article will help you to understand the differences so you can make an informed choice. This isn’t an exhaustive list and there is a fair amount of cross-over. In fact, with my clients, I often blend the two.
The Similarities Between Therapy and Coaching
Let’s start with the similarities. Both offer self-insight. This is important because insight is the first step to change. They can both help you manage yourself more effectively and help you live your full potential: therapy by removing blocks, coaching by creating a roadmap.
What is Therapy?
In the last article, I explained that feelings are your signposts to what is happening in your life. We explored the seven main negative emotions which, when ignored can cause them to become stronger, as though they are shouting to be heard. When you listen to what your feelings are telling you and respond appropriately, you are on your way to feeling a lot better about yourself, gaining perspective on a situation and having a healthier relationship with yourself and others. Yet, we tend to suppress, repress and distract, often with what I call “too-muching” behaviours like eating more, drinking more, smoking more, spending more time on social media or buying something else you don’t need.
However, these just cause the feelings to become more powerful as they fight for acknowledgement. Failing to do so can lead to health problems, depression, relationship problems and more. So, once you have acknowledged the feeling, what should you do about it? This article offers some constructive ways of dealing with negative feelings.
There are three main ways you can help yourself: Continue reading
Feelings are often labelled good or bad as if they are something to be sought (ie happiness) or avoided (ie sadness). But feelings are much more than this and have an essential function in our emotional and psychological wellbeing.
If your feelings could talk, what would they say? Feelings are the physical representation of emotion. They communicate your wants and needs. They tell you when you are happy and when something isn’t right.
Yet, all too often, we ignore the negative ones. Sometimes this is because of the way we were brought up (it isn’t nice to be angry; big boys don’t cry, etc) and sometimes it’s because Continue reading
CHANGE – ARE YOU READY?
Do you want something in your life to be different? Perhaps to overcome a habit, increase self-esteem, improve a situation, develop a skill or manage stress more effectively? All change has 5 phases, according to the work of Prochaska and Di Clemente. It’s worth knowing these to see a) where you are and b) where you want to be. This article will help you to understand that. Continue reading