When two people argue and there seems no way to resolve it, there are factors at play which interfere with the truth. No matter how convinced we are of our ‘rightness’ we see things through a filter of experience, beliefs, deletions and distortions. Not because we want to, but because we have to. There is so much going on all the time that the mind thinks this is an efficient way of dealing with so much information. And sometimes it is. But boy can it get in the way at other times!
Here is an example of how our mind plays tricks on us. In this image, what do you see:
You may see Salvador Dali. Or you may see a woman reading a book. But it is very difficult to see both at the same time. Usually, we don’t question our initial impression and just accept things as they present themselves. Sometimes this is perfectly OK, but sometimes, it can cause a lot of conflict, because there are usually three truths at play:
To help you see things from someone else’s perspective, I use a technique (usually under hypnosis which makes it more powerful), but you can use it as follows for yourself. You’ll need three chairs and an open mind:
Chair No 1: Sit in the chair which represents you. See things from your perspective with all the thoughts and emotions that come with it
Chair No 2: Sit in the chair of the other person and see things from their perspective (it often comes with interesting insights that you hadn’t considered)
Chair No 3: Sit in the chair of the objective observer who sees things as they really are. And from this perspective comes real insight which usually softens – and sometimes heals – the situation, giving you an opportunity of looking at a new way of dealing with it.
Literally sitting in different chairs makes a big difference because you are much less tainted by your own perspective.
When we are stuck in a situation, it is often because we are not seeing it from different angles which could allow a new and more helpful perspective to emerge.
This doesn’t mean giving way, nor does it mean you are wrong and the other person is right. It just gives you more options.